For most couples, sharing a bed is almost what feels natural. It is where the day ends, conversations trail off, and partners fall asleep next to each other. But Bryan Johnson has never considered it a requirement for a relationship. The tech entrepreneur and longevity enthusiast recently revealed that he and his girlfriend, Kate Tolo, have separate beds and even live in separate homes. His reasoning is less about romance and more about sleep. Johnson argues that protecting the quality of their sleep could ultimately be better for their health, and their relationship.

That does not mean the couple avoids intimacy. In fact, Johnson has clarified that the two do spend time together in bed, but do not sleep there together. His unusual arrangement has now sparked a bigger question: does sleeping beside your partner actually make for a healthier relationship? The answer, according to sleep research, is surprisingly complicated.

Johnson pointed to studies showing that sharing a bed can result in more sleep disturbances. One study involving 55 couples found that partners could wake each other several times during the night. Snoring, movement, different sleep schedules and even differences in preferred room temperature can all turn a peaceful night into a restless one. But there is another side to the story. Research has also found potential benefits to sleeping together. Johnson cited a small study involving 12 couples in which sleeping together was associated with more REM sleep and greater synchronisation of sleep stages. Other research has linked sharing a bed with better self-reported sleep and mental wellbeing. So there is no universal rule that couples should sleep together, or apart.

The growing idea of a ‘sleep divorce’ refers to couples choosing separate beds or bedrooms specifically to protect their sleep. The term sounds dramatic, but it does not necessarily have anything to do with relationship problems. The Sleep Foundation notes that couples may choose separate sleeping arrangements because of snoring, incompatible schedules, frequent movement or other nighttime disruptions. And there can be a relationship benefit. Poor sleep can affect mood, patience and communication, meaning that repeatedly waking up irritated beside your partner may create more tension than sleeping in another room ever could. Research has long suggested that the relationship between sleep and relationship quality works both ways: relationship problems can disturb sleep, while poor sleep can also affect relationships.

Of course, sleeping apart is not automatically a relationship upgrade. For some couples, sharing a bed provides comfort, physical closeness and a sense of security. Experts have also warned that completely separate bedrooms can reduce opportunities for intimacy if couples stop making time for each other. Interestingly, Johnson himself has recently softened his strict rule. Tolo revealed that he agreed to share a bed with her for three nights as an experiment after she completed 100 days of her own longevity routine. What began as a short trial reportedly continued beyond those three nights.

Perhaps that is the real lesson here. There is nothing inherently more romantic about waking up exhausted beside someone, just as there is nothing inherently more loving about sleeping in separate rooms. For some couples, closeness means falling asleep tangled together. For others, it may mean getting eight uninterrupted hours and being happier, kinder and more present the next morning. The healthiest sleeping arrangement may simply be the one that lets both people sleep well, without making either partner feel less loved.